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Lessons at My Mother's Knee

For years I sought my mother's love and protection but was left alone and vulnerable. In this exploration of the mother/daughter relationship, I have provided images of nurturing, giving to myself, now, what I needed then. Perhaps it will work like magic back through the years. Through my painting I not only explore the past but also hope to redefine it.

This dream displays the anger, resentfulness and martyrdom that I saw in my Mother. I undoubtedly carry all of these feelings within myself as well. The bloody rags on my wall have to do with rape rather than childbearing and my feelings are more deeply hidden. I think the dream is reminding me that we are not so very different.


Dream:

I was playing cards with my folks. The cards were family photos. I didn't have any good cards, but Mom laid down some winning pairs. She thought she had won until Dad said, "You forgot the Bonus Rule," as he laid down three sets of three cards each. They were all photos of him in power suits. Mom got angry. She said, "How can he win when I have this on the wall for all to see?" "This" was a bloody bunch of rags nailed to the wall among the family photos. It was all that was left of the sheets on which she had born her children - proof of her martyrdom. She knew she had lost and the injustice of it stung her.


Chapters: Intro | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08