Chapters: Intro | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08
 



Symptoms of Child Abuse

My intention in this painting was to make the figure like a textbook illustration of all the very real symptoms of child abuse. They are all symptoms with which I have direct experience. There are few events in this book that I haven’t carried consciously all my life. What I wasn’t conscious of was how it colored my view of the world and myself.

The dead zone represents a symptom, which had a great effect on my life. By the age of ten, I had sworn many times never to have children. I was afraid I would have a daughter and be unable to protect her from the evils of the world. When as an adult I found myself unable to bear a child, I felt more relief than regret. The dream speaks about my fears of family life and the vulnerability of all involved.


Dream:

I was a very shy and withdrawn woman. I felt very unattractive. I met a man who I felt was very wonderful. He was creative - a builder and designer. We became close and once in a moment of weakness, I told him I loved him. To my amazement he returned my feeling. Anyway, we were married and had a lot of fun together. Then we had a child. When the child was 5 or 6, the man became very unhappy. He was sitting by a window. His pants were around his knees. He was crying and saying he was no good for the child. I sat in front of him to protect him from the world. I was facing the window and listening to him. Then I heard a gun. I realized he had blown his brains out. I just faced the window and cried.


Chapters: Intro | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08