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Chapters: Intro | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08
 



Memories of Mother


The intense feelings of rejection that have been with me for the past two weeks have turned my thoughts to Mother. She caught the bus at noon for the twenty-mile ride to work. Even when I was in school, I sensed her walking out the door. When I was thirty-five my parents moved to the town which had become my home. Until then I had kept three thousand miles between us. As a child, I had begged Mother to stay. As an adult I begged her to leave. I don’t know which was more painful. My relationship to her is equal parts guilt and longing.

The rabbit is one of the symbols of the Goddess, The Great Mother. It’s being dead caused me to question my connection to the feminine creative force. I know I am uncomfortable with women in general and my mother in particular. This realization convinced me to seek out a women's therapy group in an effort to embrace the trepidation I felt around women. We had all experienced childhood trauma. Most of the group of six women had been together for over three years so I felt like an outsider. I decided that was a good thing since being an outcast was another wound that needed to be opened and explored.


Dream:

This is the end of a long involved escape dream . . . .
I ran on. I was being chased. Someone hollered encouragement saying to lay down my burden -- my mother. She should run for herself. We should be escaping together but not with me carrying her. But she couldn't run because she was a huge dead rabbit. I was running to catch a bus and thus escape our pursuers but I could see no bus ahead. In fact, there was no road.


Chapters: Intro | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08