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Chapters: Intro | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08
 



In The Grip Of The Fate Worse Than Death


The child has "gone off". She is no longer in her head. She is being protected by the spirits who help deaden her feelings. The figure of shame has returned, a mummy in a deep sleep. The goddess, painted on the lid of the coffin, is entreating her to wake up. She tells her the world is now safe. The grip which holds the child tight will show up again and again in my paintings. It manifests itself in my body by tightness in my chest and throat to the point that it becomes difficult to breath when trying to speak about the rapes.

Not being able to speak or run or hide has been a reoccurring theme in my dreams since I was three years old. Painting has given me a way to sneak past the "thou shall not speak" demon.


Dream:

I was at a street dance, walking around alone watching the activity. A sinister man approached me and attacked me. He pushed me down to the ground. I kept calling for help-at first barely a whisper-by the time I woke up, my cries for help were about normal speaking level. It required a great deal of effort to get even that loud.


Chapters: Intro | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08